Why is it that the more I work towards realizing my creative dreams, the stronger my fear becomes?

Since writing about procrastination a month ago, I’ve encountered a few more versions of it. It’s insidious and exhausting, and seems to be accompanied by paralyzing moments of self-doubt.

To be fair to myself, in the month since I last wrote about facing fear, I’ve made my Etsy site live. I’ve uploaded my painted Letters From Vancouver Island subscriptions, and my Art by-the-month tiny print subscriptions, and I’ve even mailed out my first Letter From Vancouver Island (sign up for my monthly newsletter to get your first month’s copy free in your mailbox: http://mad.ly/signups/98923/join )

However, procrastination has sneaky ways of taking root, and I’ve been feeling those oh-so-strongly. Although I got my Etsy site live I don’t have all the photos my listings need. I’ve been putting off completing the task.

I now have the necessary equipment I needed to sell art online: my scanner and my printer, and they’re great tools! However, I haven’t scanned any art since I first set it up, and of the art I’ve scanned, I’ve only uploaded my March painted letter, and my Owl Eyes mask print.

I have about 60 beautiful watercolour paintings waiting to be scanned and uploaded to Etsy. Once I do that, I can also start storytelling, which I’m so excited about. I love sharing the details and process and stories behind each of my paintings, and I have three series to weave my stories through: my feather series, my whimsical painted ball series, and my more intense mask series. I love, love, love telling stories, and sharing anything related to creativity. It doesn’t feel like work at all.

So why am I stalled out, again?

This procrastination tastes a lot like fear, and it’s a flavour I’m becoming very accustomed to. Perhaps the bigger picture is that I’m trying to realize my dreams, rather than dismissing them as unrealistic (as I have done for over 2 decades). That IS a big scary thing. And a very comfortable old habit. It has definitely, in the past, been easier for me to make up a mountain of excuses rather than starting to take the first steps up the slope towards my creative vision.

So, I’m going to write that vision down now, and I’m going to keep putting it out there every time I encounter this fear.

My dream is to offer my art for sale online at Etsy as originals and affordable prints and to offer luscious online creativity courses to that great, enormous, vivacious tribe of folks out there that are so hungry for an opportunity to blossom into creativity and beauty.

That is what I’m working towards, despite the fear. Whew!