Hello from the other side of Saturday!
I have found the past two weeks to be so intense. Is it just me or have things been stirred up and spun around for you too?
Over the last couple weeks I was as sick as a what? I don’t want to say dog. But sick as something that gets really outrageously sick. The recovery was slow, from this strange cold/flu hybrid, and I’ve only started feeling like myself in the last few days.
I’ve also been deeply immersed in creating – the Bare Bones dance show I produced and performed in finally happened last night. Thoughts on improvisation, presence, vulnerability, and what people are really hungry for have been consuming me.
Along with the songs I’ve used, playing on repeat. You Really Got a Hold On Me.
Walks in forests, meditating, and rehearsals with myself. All the While (which has 5 of my family members in the music video).
Because when I decided to put on this event and perform in it, I was diving into something that was both thrilling, and absolutely terrifying. It’s given me the chance to share and create and perform.
It’s also a funny place to put myself into – the push/pull of desire to create and share combined with fear and shame that I’m delusional and ridiculous to think I can pull it off. They are old familiars, these desires to create and self-sabotage simultaneously.
In which I get the chance to face the gremlins of being ‘not-good-enough’, of being vulnerable, of being afraid of making a fool of myself, and continuing on and pulling through.
In the midst of that, I had a knock at my door, and someone who knows how much I love really good wool blankets showed up, thinking of me as she passed on a 70 year old blanket that her mother owned.
Additionally, I recently had an encounter with a man connected to women I’ve wanted to be friends with that he has loved, and men I’ve loved, people who have then ended up with each other. It was so strange to discover this and it sparked a great deal of introspected thought. Memories. Old feelings that I thought I’d left behind, resurfacing.
This beautiful moody duet speaks to those feelings, and longings too. Of being held. Embraced. Supported. Adored. I don’t know when that will ever flow my way, and it makes me sad sometimes.
In the meantime, I encountered a beautiful statement: Let the earth hold you. She will always be underfoot and all around.
My task, now, is to let that be enough. The earth. Myself. Being held.
What about you? Have old feelings and shocking synchronicities and coincidences been happening lately? What do you do when they show up? How do you process and transform these experiences?
Until next time,