I’ve been revisited by the fear monkey in a serious way. A while ago I wrote about how I slowed down action on my decision to buy a printer because of fear. How that slowing down led to having to wait for more printers to come into stock because I went into London Drugs so often without buying it that they sold all their printers by the time I finally got up the nerve to make the purchase.

And then I had to wait.

Well, I’ve been at it again, this slowing down, waiting and procrastinating game, and it’s driving me a little crazy. My friend asked me the other day if I’d tried out my printer yet.

No…. I have a million excuses. One excuse was that I didn’t have a scanner to scan my art in order to try printing. Well, it took me a month to buy that scanner, but I did. And I even scanned some of my paintings.

So, what’s stopping me now? Well, here are some more excuses: I don’t have ink. I don’t have paper. I don’t have my etsy shop set up yet. I don’t have a proper website. I don’t have…… I don’t have….. I could keep myself frozen for a long time with all of the excuses I do have.

I know exactly what I need to do, and what I want to do, and yet, months after I got clear on that, I’m still not there. Instead, I’m here, mired in this sense of fear.

The fear monkey is manifesting in a deep and abiding sense of reluctance, procrastination, excuses, and more. So finally I thought that maybe I could write about it. And, in writing about it, find some clarity on how to start moving forward.

My first step today was to research the kind of paper I want to use for the beautiful monthly “Letters from Vancouver Island” subscription service I would like to offer from my Etsy shop. I did it.

And to write about the fear I’ve been experiencing (right now). And, finally, to set up my printer tonight.

Next, buy paper, order ink, and get my first monthly letter written, painted, and in the mail. I think it’s helped, this writing about the fear. We’ll see what comes up next, won’t we…